Lois (kalalanekent) wrote,
Lois
kalalanekent

Seems My Resolutions Have Made Themselves

Like it or not, it looks like I'm again going to be dealing with how to cope with being alone and change. Lots of change. Change that I don't even know if I can deal with yet.

Three days into 2013 and I'm already feeling like I'm in a palace with a hundred rooms, screaming my head off, and all I get is an occasion pat in the head. Everyone, and I mean everyone [except L2], is too wrapped up in their own stuff right now. Which I get, but it doesn't always help. Where is everyone when I need them? When I'm so scared out of my mind that I don't even know how to get through the day NOT thinking about where we're going to be in the scheme of things three months for now? When I'm at great standing at my job [which is a bitch, but the money is finally worth it], but that's not going to matter if I can't get to it? When I'm literally having nightmares every night over this? I can't even go into how much crying I've been doing over this. I'm scared out of my mind and no one is even taking it seriously. And no one's there.  

And after the season I just dealt with? The one where I almost walked out three times?

This is part of the reason that there was the postponement. I just can't get back into it yet, guys. Did I mention that we've lost staff again with no warning? Yeah.

Well, now that the drama queen rant is out, I'll hush. I just needed to see this written down so that I know my feelings are valid. And no one take this as a potshot at any one person. This is RL, LJ, Tumblr, YT, and just my life in general. None of it's good right now. And to make matters worse, no one has even told me that it's valid. Like I said, a pat on the head and send me on my way. I guess I just need to not give out so much to anyone. If I didn't care, it wouldn't hurt, would it?
Tags: the author in rl, the lois whining network
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