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08 June 2012 @ 11:43 pm
Another One of Those Fabulous Days...  
When you just feel like you can't do anything right in real life and in fandom life.

I hate feeling like this, but there are times when I just want to give up the job because of the times when I don't feel like I'm good enough for what they want from me and then the other times when they want me to handle things that aren't fair to expect three people, let alone one person, manage on their own.

There are times when I want to give up the writing because I'm more than aware that there are other writers and readers that think my stuff is puerile and not well-written at all. That I'm only known because a fandom Goddess brought me in. That I only win any awards at all because of the popularity contest. And that everyone's just sick of seeing my stuff all the time. And then there's the fact that I'm second-guessing some of my choices lately as far as characterization and how much I trust my meta in the grand scheme of things [E, this isn't about you].

God help me.

I don't want to be that hack of a writer that everyone just reads because they feel like they have to. I don't want to be the one who stays too long at the party and everyone's sick of. And I sure as hell don't want to come across myself in freaking Fandom Secrets again. It may make me look gutless, but those two times still hurt. A lot.

I just...yeah.

It's just one of those days.
On the Verge of: exhaustedexhausted
Lois: Across the Universe :: House of Elkalalanekent on June 16th, 2012 07:49 am (UTC)
I'm actually kinda glad that I have some time to get everything in order before you get to it because you, saavikam77, and januaried are my brainiacs in the science arena. I'm just crossing my fingers that we've gotten as much of it as realistic as possible.

That said, I MISS YOU! Come back as soon as your personal hyperbole evens out. ;)