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08 June 2012 @ 11:43 pm
Another One of Those Fabulous Days...  
When you just feel like you can't do anything right in real life and in fandom life.

I hate feeling like this, but there are times when I just want to give up the job because of the times when I don't feel like I'm good enough for what they want from me and then the other times when they want me to handle things that aren't fair to expect three people, let alone one person, manage on their own.

There are times when I want to give up the writing because I'm more than aware that there are other writers and readers that think my stuff is puerile and not well-written at all. That I'm only known because a fandom Goddess brought me in. That I only win any awards at all because of the popularity contest. And that everyone's just sick of seeing my stuff all the time. And then there's the fact that I'm second-guessing some of my choices lately as far as characterization and how much I trust my meta in the grand scheme of things [E, this isn't about you].

God help me.

I don't want to be that hack of a writer that everyone just reads because they feel like they have to. I don't want to be the one who stays too long at the party and everyone's sick of. And I sure as hell don't want to come across myself in freaking Fandom Secrets again. It may make me look gutless, but those two times still hurt. A lot.

I just...yeah.

It's just one of those days.
 
 
On the Verge of: exhaustedexhausted
 
 
 
dandello: Super Dandellodandello on June 9th, 2012 04:16 am (UTC)
And the people saying these nasty things are insanely jealous that you actually have fans of your own.
Lois: LS-Verse :: Lois Jason :: Never Doubt Lokalalanekent on June 13th, 2012 04:30 am (UTC)
*hugs you tight* Thanks, D. There are times where I just really need to hear that. It's hard to believe the good stuff sometimes. ♥
Loony Loopy Lea Lovegoodchickadilly on June 9th, 2012 05:09 am (UTC)
I wish I could put my hand on your heart and tell you that at this moment you are loved. More than that I wish you would look at yourself in the mirror, put your hand upon your heart and tell yourself that you are loved.

Because you are.

And so what if not everyone likes your writing. You're not writing for people with little taste! You're writing for your own personal pleasure and sharing that pleasure with people who truly love and appreciate it.

<3 <3 <3

Show yourself some compassion and love, Lois. You've earned it - and more than that you deserve it.

Lois: Clois :: Film Grain Lovekalalanekent on June 13th, 2012 04:33 am (UTC)
*tries not to wibble and just hugs you*

Lea, if I could write for a thousand years and tell the absolute truth the whole time, I wouldn't even get close to how much I love you, too. I wish I was able to around at the same time as you more often. I miss you like wildfire, love!

♥ ♥ ♥
Loony Loopy Lea Lovegood: Anne | HUGSchickadilly on June 13th, 2012 06:12 am (UTC)
<3 <3 <3

I miss you guys a lot!!
Katt: MVL: Coulsonxenokattz on June 9th, 2012 05:33 am (UTC)
Try making a face & sticking your tongue out at mean people. It's highly therapeutic.
Lois: Lois :: Laughkalalanekent on June 13th, 2012 04:34 am (UTC)
YOU! You, madame, need to be around a little more often! My life just isn't the same without you in it! *tacklesnuggles and twirls you and hugs you tight again*

You NEVER fail to make me laugh, you know that? ♥
Kattxenokattz on June 13th, 2012 08:32 pm (UTC)
:D Pleased to have been on service. I just wish I could catch up with ALL THE THINGS so I can finish my own Kyrptonian Society Interacting With Earth fic & I can read ATU, gorrammit! I am ACHING to delve back into Superman fics.
Lois: Across the Universe :: House of Elkalalanekent on June 16th, 2012 07:49 am (UTC)
I'm actually kinda glad that I have some time to get everything in order before you get to it because you, saavikam77, and januaried are my brainiacs in the science arena. I'm just crossing my fingers that we've gotten as much of it as realistic as possible.

That said, I MISS YOU! Come back as soon as your personal hyperbole evens out. ;)
athenesolon: Lois knocking on Perry's doorathenesolon on June 9th, 2012 10:32 pm (UTC)
Well to be completely truthful, I never voted for your works because they were popular, I voted for them because I felt they were the best of the lot. I have no clue who's saying them but if I did know they would be getting an earful from me. I came into the Reeveverse fandom largely because of your work (i.e. making me see something in the movies that I might have missed.) I wouldn't have written anything without your stories inspiring my muses to speak up (and yes this does include fic in the "Lois and Clark" fandom when I speak of writing because it was the Reeveverse versions of them that spoke up first even though I've been in the LnC fandom slightly longer.)

As for the not well-written part I laugh in their faces (if I knew who these people were.) Know that you have one person here who has suggested your fic on tumblr at least once when someone was asking for fic that was not Smallville-based and probably would not have written a single word about Clark Kent and Lois Lane without your inspiration. To me you and Anissa yourselves are fandom goddesses.
Lois: Clark :: Woobiekalalanekent on June 13th, 2012 04:48 pm (UTC)
Awwww! I just don't have the words, Athene! A lot of these people that dislike it are ones that I end up kicking over in various places around the 'net, usually when I least expect to find them [i.e. looking around in fandom forums or in comms around LJ and such]. And I'm always startled by it. More the fool me, I guess.

And it feels incredibly good to feel as though I'm useful to someone's muses. That really does make it all worthwhile when you can inspire a new work in someone. As to it being LnC, you know what? Just because it isn't my cup of tea doesn't mean that it isn't just perfect for your readers, who I'm sure appreciate it. It's for the betterment of the fandom as a whole. So go on and write it, love!

*hugs you tigh, wags finger* Okay, you, I just cried here. Thanks from the bottom of my heart, love. It really does mean the world to me.
Barbara: Hug Peter MJ SM3htbthomas on June 9th, 2012 11:09 pm (UTC)
I've been feeling a lot of this myself, lately. Mostly that "my time has passed" - that what I'm writing now is just not what fandom wants to read. And every time I latch onto a new fandom, I think, maybe this will be my Renaissance. But it usually isn't. *sigh* So may I offer you condolence hugs?
Loony Loopy Lea Lovegoodchickadilly on June 13th, 2012 06:13 am (UTC)
Aww, Barbara!!

*HUGS*

I love you and think you're amazing!!!
Barbara: Hug Peter MJ SM3htbthomas on June 13th, 2012 06:07 pm (UTC)
You're such a sweetie. ♥ *hugs back*
Lois: LS-Verse :: Lois Jason :: Never Doubt Lokalalanekent on June 13th, 2012 04:53 pm (UTC)
YOU, madame, will ALWAYS be the Queen of this fandom and ALL of us know it. My inspiration for pushing onward, regardless of reviews and all else, comes from what you showed fandom when you first burst onto the scene. I can't even get started at all tell you how much you meant to me, what your stories still mean to everyone else.

Just give it time, Mom. Seriously. Don't ever think you've lost your glorious talent. I'll forever be awed by you and what you do with words. You just need another fandom worthy of you.

*hugs you extra tight* I love you, lady. Don't ever forget it.
Barbara: Remember me Donner cuthtbthomas on June 13th, 2012 06:12 pm (UTC)
Aw, thank you. :) But I have to be honest with myself. My style has changed - and though I think it has been for the better, not every fandom enjoys that style. I don't think I could write a Deja Vu anymore! I do have fans in Community fandom, but feedback is really terrible these days if you don't write one of the popular ships.

I'm getting a little traction in Teen Wolf, even writing Gen and a non-juggernaut pairing, so I am more hopeful than I was even a week ago. :) But I'd be really surprised if the SR days ever came back. And that's okay.
lere8: Superman_CRlere8 on June 10th, 2012 12:43 am (UTC)
Hey, missy! You are not winning contests and we are not reading your stories because we "have to". These are happening because you girls do something amazing and are generous enough to share it with us.

Yes I like Smallville verse stories and I have a huge file of LnC favorite fics inside my PC but the movieverse lack real good stories and even more authors. I can barely use my 10 fingers to point the "Superman Returns" fics I really liked after all these years. And what to say about "Reeveverse"? I'd be doomed without you girls!

I don't know why you feel like that about the characterization but the only faces I can see in my mind while reading the stories are Margot and Chris. And I promise it's not a huge effort. Only the natural reaction to the ability of the writers.

I understand how sometimes you don't feel great about things you do. The frustation can be deeper when you put your heart in it and thinks it is good enough but then you don't get the reaction you were expecting. If that happens two, three times in a row you feel like crap. I don't write but I make fanarts and the feelings are similar. So please, believe me when I say it's not unusual and if you keep looking you'll find that old flame and confidence again. Just know that what you do is very appreciated even though sometimes the ungrateful readers *points to herself* don't say how much it means to them.

Edited at 2012-06-10 12:46 am (UTC)
Lois: Lois :: Lois Lanekalalanekent on June 13th, 2012 04:59 pm (UTC)
Lere, you just...

How is it that you guys can always make me cry? *hugs you tight, tries not to wibble*

And love, don't you ever, ever feel as though your fanarts isn't some of the most gorgeous in the world. People that don't think so are blind. The amazing work you do deserves the best kind of notice and I'm at fault there for not finding a way to showcase it more.

Love you, honey, and thank you SO much. I miss around here, but we have Tumblr. ♥ ♥ ♥
(Anonymous) on June 12th, 2012 06:04 am (UTC)
Your Reeveverse multi-series are great works of art!
Please pay no attention to those antagonists who are envious of your talent. Seriously, your work is like the collaboration of great masters. Tom Mankewincz, Richard Donner, Jane Austen and Josh Whedon are some of the names that come to mind, when it comes to the way how you bring your stories to life. Christopher Reeve and Margot Kidder are at their best, in their portrayal of our beloved chartacters, so please don't ever stop weaving such magical storylines for us.
Lois: Lois :: Blushkalalanekent on June 13th, 2012 05:32 pm (UTC)
Re: Your Reeveverse multi-series are great works of art!
You honor me this, anon. I don't think I'm quite to the level of that storied company, but I love you for thinking of me in the same breath as those names. I'm so, so lucky to have you! ♥ ♥ ♥
Tamannaswingandswirl on June 12th, 2012 04:00 pm (UTC)
late to the party, sorry!
First off, /hugs you until you squeak/

Honey. People are idiots. Seriously. Pay no attention to assholes like that. They're mean-spirited jerkwads of little brain who have no higher calling in life than to tear others down.

I haven't had time to read your stuff lately, but that's because RL is loony tunes. And /whacks you gently/ FFS, Lois, you got the Superman/Batman shipper who can't stand Lois, as a general rule, to like Clois. Now if that isn't proof of how awesome your writing is, I don't know what is.

/hugs again/ Ignore the haters, hon. They're not fit to lick the dust off your boots. Hell, they're not fit to BE the dust on your boots.

P.S.: I saw this and thought of you: http://projectrooftop.livejournal.com/134752.html
Lois: Lois :: Feelingskalalanekent on June 13th, 2012 05:37 pm (UTC)
Re: late to the party, sorry!
Annnd I'm crying again. Tamma, I love you. I love you so damn much. Leave it to my Slash Goddess to ride to the rescue. Do you know how extraordinary it makes me feel every time to remind me that you actually LIKE my Lois? I haven't lately? I need to remind you. To have a S&B fan like her, really. I just don't even.

*snuggles in and hides*

RL needs to let you loose a little more. I miss you, lady!