Lois (kalalanekent) wrote,

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Pretty Sure I've Posted This Before, But Hey, It's My LJ.

Since it'll come up on and off in Love and Other Headaches, I wanted to repost this where I have easy access to it. This is Kala and Sebast's favorite scary movie series. And yes, this version exists only one paper. More's the pity. They'd be a laugh-riot.


CHUPACABRA: Night of the Goatsucker

In the sleepy Mexican town of Huitcheelacootitlanichu (pop: 73), something evil is stirring.  Goats are dying, their throats slashed by a mysterious creature.  But when all the goats are gone, where will the beast turn to sate its foul hunger?  And will the authorities believe the folklorist who insists he knows what's killing the livestock?  Is a monster out of myths responsible for the horror? 

Critic’s Note: Much of the terror in this original film comes from never actually seeing the monster.  A specially-trained dog was acquired to play the part of the Chupacabra, but it ran away on the third night of filming – some blame a star’s pet Yorkie.  The producers had to make do with just a few shots of their beast, and used various filters and effects to disguise the fact that they were reusing footage.  The air of mystery made the creature much more frightening.

Chupacabra II: Back II the Jungle

The survivors of Huitcheelacootitlanichu spent the last year putting their lives back together and rebuilding the town.  The nightmares are all that remains of the horror ... or are they?  When a tourist is found dead, his throat slashed and familiar tracks around his corpse, the Huitcheelacootitlanichuans aren't going to wait for the National Guard.  This time, they're going to track the beast to its lair and kill it once and for all! 

Critic’s Note: This sequel tried so hard to take itself seriously, it wound up a mockery of everything good about the original.  Then again, the original wasn’t exactly an instant classic, either.  However, higher production values and the inclusion of some well-known stars made this one profitable.

Chupacabra 3D: Goatsucker’s Revenge

There are strange stories about Huitcheelacootitlanichu ... but they're only stories.  Right?  Some residents are overjoyed at the new resort being built outside town, glad it will bring jobs and tourist money to their tiny community.  But others warn of an ancient evil that sleeps in the jungle - right where the investors from Mexico City want to build.  And the outsiders aren't the only ones who will feel the vengeance of the beast whose rest they disturb! 

Critic’s Note: The third film in the Chupacabra series is widely regarded as the best of the original trilogy, a rarity in horror films.  It explores wider themes than the usual monster flick, and better production values netted the producers some excellent pyrotechnic effects in the finale.

Chupacabra 4: Bride of the Goatsucker

The successful town of Huitcheelacootitlanichu relies on tourism to fuel its growing economy, and residents allow nothing to tarnish the town's reputation.  Not even the disappearances of several teenagers.  When four young women ask too many questions of the city fathers, they find themselves captives of a secret society that propitiates the old legends ... by sacrificing their troublemakers to the blood-thirsty creature in the jungle! 

Critic’s Note: Bride had the ‘honor’ of winning the Razzie award for ‘Most Plot-Pointless T&A’.  The four young starlets in the leading roles spend most of the film in little more than their underwear and plenty of fake blood.  The ‘bucket list’ scene was deemed one of the most exploitative moments in film, and only the fact that it features two women in low lighting kept this film rated R instead of NC-17.

Chupacabra V: Son of the Goatsucker

Alma Velazquez narrowly escaped the terror of Huitcheelacootitlanichu and moved to Mexico City, far from rural ignorance and old myths.  But six months later, she's still not free of the nightmares of red eyes in the dark, and the scars on her back will never fade.  She's pale and feels sick every morning, she's gained weight and always seems tired.  Will she have to courage to cope with what she brought back from that night in the jungle? 

Critic’s Note: Imagine Rosemary’s Baby, only the father is the legendary Chupacabra, and the mother is a single woman in Mexico who doesn’t even know she’s pregnant.  With plenty of lurid flashbacks to the previous film, including the scene that made Bride so notorious, this film is more provocative titillation than the psychological horror it was meant to be. 

Chupacabra 666: The Devil's Goatsucker

The chupacabra cult of Huitcheelacootitlanichu has been driven even further into hiding, and needs a new location to conduct their obscene rituals.  They find the perfect spot deep in the jungle in ancient ruins.  There’s already a blood-stained altar … but the cultists don’t know they’ve stumbled on a temple dedicated to the Mayan god of the underworld.  This time, the chupacabra’s not just vicious … it’s EVIL. 

Critic’s Note: The filmmakers were searching for a way to inject new life into the Chupacabra franchise, and they chose to run with the ‘insane cultists’ idea from the fifth film.  The film took criticism from pagans and Satanists over the portrayal of a Mayan god as Lucifer.  The chupacabra’s ultimate vanquishment at the hands of a priest was hated by fans, who spawned several hundred “alternate endings” in video, art, and fanfiction within a few days of the movie’s release.

Chupacabra 7: Goatsucker's Daughter

When Juanita turned 18, her parents were slain by a serial killer while she slept.  When their wills were read, she learned she was adopted, and set off for the town of Huitcheelacootitlanichu to find her birth parents.  Why do the old men of the town refuse to speak to her, and why do the women make strange gestures toward her?  Are there clues to her past here, and does she really want to know the truth about her parents’ deaths? 

Critic’s Note: Anyone who’s even slightly conscious (or paying attention to the title) knows within the first ten minutes of the film that Juanita is another ‘child of the goatsucker’ like the male infant in Chupacabra V, and that Juanita herself murdered them. The actress gamely plays her monumental ignorance until the final scene, wherein she accepts her evil nature and meets her half-brother and destined mate.  Juanita’s decision to embrace the darkness is perhaps the most chilling moment in the entire series.

Chupacabra 8: Legend of the Goatsucker

Witness the birth of the legend!  In 1703, Spanish missionaries seek to convert the native Lanichu tribe at any cost.  The shaman Huitchee knows these pale-skinned creatures are false gods, and when his sister (and wife) is burned at the stake for practicing witchcraft, he vows a terrible vengeance on the men who are destroying his people and his land.  But the creature he summons with dark magic is beyond even Huitchee’s control! 

Critic’s Note: Native Mexican groups protested this film’s portrayal of the Mayan shaman as an incestuous vengeful maniac, women’s organizations protested the gratuitous inclusion of so much nudity, and religious organizations protested the portrayal of the missionaries as vicious sadists.  Fans of the series, however, drove Legend to a successful box office.

Chupacabra 9: The Return of the Goatsucker

The chupacabra is back from the dead … and he’s pissed!  This time, no amount of sacrifice will stop the beast.  No man, woman, child, or goat in Huitcheelacootitlanichu is safe from his terrible thirst for vengeance!

Critic’s Note: The hideously-misshapen manlike chupacabra in this film is a triumph of horror makeup, and is revealed at the end to be the offspring of the two half-siblings in Daughter.  While the last few films in the series attempted to satisfy viewer’s appetite for nubile young bodies in peril, this one played up the gore factor.  Insiders report that the amount of fake blood used on set would fill three Olympic swimming pools.

CHUPACABRA X: The Goatsucker Xperiment Conspiracy

Somewhere deep within the National Research Institute, a monstrous experiment is taking place.  A plan to breed better soldiers – stronger, faster, hardier, more violent, more terrifying, more … monstrous.  Human and chupacabra DNA have already mingled, but the hybrid taking shape in the secret lab is more sinister than either parent’s species.

Critic’s Note: The franchise veered abruptly toward sci-fi horror with this film, new filmmakers providing an entirely new direction and largely abandoning the series’ canon.  Suspense is created through masterful camerawork and lighting, and the chase scenes in the second half are especially thrilling.  However, cheesy acting and an overdone premise leave it flawed.  Fans bemoaned the end of the glory days of the franchise.

Chupacabra 11: Goatsuckers … IN SPACE!
Mexico’s first astronauts arrive at the International Space Station, but one of them is carrying an unexpected passenger.  Infected by a government-engineered virus, he begins to act strangely, frightening his fellow astronauts.  Scientists back on Earth claim nothing is wrong, the crew is only suffering from acute ‘cabin fever’.  When the final transformation occurs, there’s nowhere to run, nowhere to hide.

Critic’s Note: The first chupacabra trilogy was considered pretty good, the second trilogy was standard horror sequel fare, and the third played with common tropes to good effect.  For the fourth trilogy, the original production team sold the rights to the franchise, and in spite of some good moments in Conspiracy, Space truly marks the downturn of the series.

Chupacabra 12: Goatsuckaz in da Hood
What happens when a rural monster hits the big city?  Find out when the chupacabra relocates to the slums of Mexico City.  Drugs, guns, prostitution … and not a goat in sight!

Critic’s Note: Widely regarded as the ‘franchise killer’, this movie is charitably described as homage to blaxploitation films.  However, its disjointed plot, poor special effects, and truly bad acting make it best described as ‘pure dreck.’  In some theaters, fans rioted and/or demanded their money back.  Issues with the script raised lawsuits for the producers, and the franchise was shut down.

EL CHUPACABRAS: The Goatsucker Nightmare
Tourists and teenagers are disappearing from a failing resort near an abandoned – and supposedly haunted – town called Huitcheelacootitlanichu.  When a young woman’s body is found drained of blood outside the gates, the resort’s owners call in a crack team of cryptozoologists to find and slay the monster.  A top-secret military detail and a popular paranormal investigation team complicate their mission.  Is the killer a myth, a beast, a madman, or a ghost? 

Critic’s Note:  The franchise reboot, directed by Rob Zombie, is often called Chupacabra 13.  It takes the previous franchise films as a vague history, but make no mistake, this isn’t just another low-budget horror flick in the vein of the previous Chupacabra films.  With authentic settings, well-known actors, and plenty of blood and gore, EL CHUPACABRAS is a must-see!

Tags: kabast, laoh

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