YOU WILL NOT DO THIS TO YOURSELF!
You are not as brainless as you think and you need to stop wearing your heart on your sleeve. You actually DO deserve better than this and you CAN find a place that really needs you and respects you for who you are. You let too many others put you down and make fun of you just to get along. The time for that is over. Before you really make yourself so sick and nervous that you have to go on meds.
You will also stop worrying over whether your talent at writing is slipping. There are still people that enjoy your work and don't think you're letting them down. You're posting huge chapters on a fairly regular schedule. You're dealing with some pretty intense subjects while usually totally stressed to the max. Your beta hasn't quit in disgust. You have noms in the awards this year, from the sounds of things.
YOU ARE YOUR OWN WORST CRITIC! GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK BEFORE YOU END UP Q
LET IT THE HELL GO! STARTING NOW!