Find me here
Speak to me
I want to feel you
I need to hear you
You are the light
That’s leading me
To the place
Where I find peace
You are the strength
That keeps me walking
You are the hope
That keeps me trusting
You are the light
To my soul
You are my purpose
Lois leaned her face into the hot water, her eyes tightly shut against the spray. It seemed as if the warmth was sinking into her very bones. It was almost as good at heating her up as Kal-El’s touch had been…
She had to laugh at herself with faint disgust, groaning with incredulous mirth at the track her mind had taken. Oh my God, I’d be better off using cold water despite it being something like fifty degrees outside, she thought sardonically, raking her fingers through her hair to get the shampoo out. What the hell is wrong with me? I was ready to climb into his lap there for a minute, regardless of what was going on… Earth to Lane, reality check. Because you know, a woman’s never sexier than when she’s filthy and sweaty and covered in dust. And after six years, I’m sure he’s fantasized about me jumping him in jeans and a faded t-shirt when we’re in the middle of moving all my stuff out of my house. That’s almost as bad as the damned chiffon evening gown, you moron!
That all-too-brief memory had the effect of lightning, only enhancing her already tense state. She couldn’t deny the heat in her veins, the way her skin craved his touch. Especially now that they had been trying to avoid it, despite the torture of their memories. Even now she could still feel his arm around her, still feel the lightest touch of his fingers brushing her back.
If only he were here with her, rubbing the tension out of her shoulders, kissing her neck… Lois sighed, stretching like a cat to loosen her muscles, her lips curving up in a small wicked smile at the thought of Kal-El’s arms sliding around her waist, his perfectly muscled chest against her back. His breath against her neck, his hair wet and tousled… The image made her almost purr with desire.
And if he were here, she could lean back against him, rest her head on his shoulder and let him press amorous kisses upon her neck, nuzzle down to her shoulder, his hands rising to cup her breasts, his touch so tender and so fraught with desire. Or perhaps his hands would slip down instead, over the curve of her stomach, and lower…
"Kal-El," Lois murmured, her back arching at the thoughts that flickered through her mind like lightning through storm clouds. "Oh, my God, Kal-El… Please…"
When Lois came downstairs later, she felt much better. Her long hair was twisted up into a knot with a hair stick through it, and she was wearing her least-suggestive pajamas. Unfortunately, though the outfit covered her from wrists to ankles, it was deep crimson velvet, imminently touchable. Hell, this is warm, and it’s better than a camisole…
She thought her expression was controlled, but when she walked up to Clark in the kitchen, the way he glanced at her seemed to hint that he knew what she had been doing. Lois tried to look wide-eyed and innocent, then remembered how well he knew her and just tried not to look flushed and hot-blooded.
Clark was studiously avoiding her gaze, sweeping up fragments of something ceramic from the tiled floor. "Sorry, Lois," he murmured. "I broke one of your mugs…"
What on earth…?
Clark kept his eyes firmly on the broken mug. He hadn’t meant to listen in, but he was always attuned to her heartbeat, and when it began to race he’d checked to see what was going on. That was a mistake, Clark thought, trying to swallow past the dryness in his throat. He’d shattered the mug without thinking, hearing his name on her lips and remembering all too clearly how much he loved the needy tone.
Now Lois was standing near him, the deeply-colored velvet accenting her pale skin and raven hair. Didn’t she know how lovely she looked, how utterly delectable? Didn’t she realize how much he wanted to stroke the rough velvet cloaking her slim body? Stop it! he told himself, but his mind wouldn’t listen. Now he could smell her shampoo, the warm sandalwood scent intoxicating, and beneath that the dampness of her skin fresh from the shower … he could smell her…
The dustpan cracked in his hands, and Clark looked at them mutely, feeling an embarrassed blush creep up the sides of his neck. Crap.
For a moment, both of them stared at it before she looked down at him worriedly. "Kal-El, are you okay?" Lois asked in a tentative tone. God, it’s me. I’m making him nervous. Although I have no idea how. He can’t read minds; is it really that obvious what I’m thinking?
"Yeah … fine," he muttered, his voice strained. He didn’t dare look at her, knowing only too well how close she was, his hands aching to touch her and his heart pounding in his throat.
Lois’ lips tightened. I’m making him feel guilty with all of this. How could I have had everything right in Smallville only to mess it up now? What’s wrong with me, other than the fact that my self-control is hanging by a thread? Actually, forget that; make it a thread on fire, she thought, and came closer, reaching to touch his shoulder despite her worries. "Are you sure?" she asked softly, her hand lightly resting on the tense muscle. "It wasn’t something I said earlier, was it?"
Kal-El drew a deep shuddery breath, closing his eyes. "No… I mean yes, I’m okay. It … wasn’t something you said…" She was so close, her hip almost brushing his shoulder, surely unconscious of the effect she had on him. He looked up at her, need and torment in his eyes. Oh, my dear God, and all the saints in Heaven … how am I going to resist this?
The connection between them was magnetic as always, both of them craving each other’s touch. Lois’ traitorous mind presented her with an image of Kal-El sliding an arm around her as he stood up, lifting her so that she would wrap her legs around his waist, supporting her so easily while he kissed her. She shivered slightly at the thought, feeling her pulse flutter.
Kal-El drew in a shaky breath, and then he did stand up, but to Lois’ disappointment he was careful not to touch her. "I’ll … I’ll hang out on the couch, Lois," he murmured huskily.
"I’ll be upstairs," she replied softly. "I… I’ve been sleeping on the couch, myself. It’s a sleeper sofa. Pretty comfortable."
The image of her lying beside him flashed across Kal-El’s mind. "Lois, are you sure this is a good idea?" he asked gently.
"I’m sure it’s the only way I’ll get any sleep," Lois said ruefully. "This house is too damned quiet." Not to mention, I can’t even lie down in the bed that Richard and I shared for so long. It just feels wrong. I’ve never slept in the guest bedroom, but maybe I’ll be able to finally fall asleep there.
"I’ll stay, Lois. Just until you fall asleep," he told her.
"Just until then," she whispered back, irked by the neediness in her voice but unable to deny it.
Upstairs, sleep deserted Lois. She lay staring at the guest bedroom ceiling, memories and fantasies chasing each other across her mind. Her loneliness tore at her as well – it had been years since she’d been this alone for more than a few hours.
Utter silence. The furnace came on, and warm air stirred the drapes. Lois watched the movement, feeling both exhausted and wide awake. A few years of living with someone else gets you used to having them at your back. And I’m trying to think of the last time a bed felt this lonely… God, why does it feel as if we’re just wasting time like this? Being ‘good’, avoiding each other, it’s just making this worse.
She turned, feeling a low ache in her back from moving all those boxes. Lois felt exhausted, but as far from sleep as she’d ever been. The bed seemed cold and twice as large as it needed to be. Clark could fill that empty space beside her so well…
Wait, now. You fell asleep beside him twice in Smallville. Once on the couch, once in his bed with the twins beside you. It was comforting both times – yeah, lying back against him on the couch with his arms around you was very sensual, a real delight, but nothing happened. Maybe…
Lois yanked the pillow out from under her own head, letting her face whap against the mattress, and pulled the pillow over her head with a groan. God, I need to just stop thinking like this… It’s not gonna happen, Lane, get over yourself. He’s a good Midwestern boy, he’s not just gonna jump in bed with you again. Look what happened last time…Lois shut down that train of thought. It could only lead to one place, and she had to prove she was stronger than that. Never mind that she had only managed a few thin snatches of sleep last night, brief moments of oblivion between lying awake and staring at the ceiling. Never mind that she craved him beside her worse than she’d ever wanted a cigarette.
I can do this. Dammit, I’m not a child; I don’t need someone to stay with me in the dark. I can fall asleep without a man beside me. I did it for how many years…?
Two hours later, Lois was downstairs, feeling foolish. I hate being wrong, she thought irritably. But as things turned out, she couldn’t sleep alone, not knowing that Clark was so near, not remembering how safe she’d felt in his arms. She made her way to the living room in the dark, not needing lights in this house she knew so well.
His voice startled her, coming out of the darkness, and she gasped, flinching back against the wall. "Dammit! Don’t scare me like that!"
"Sorry," he said, and now she could see him sitting up in the faint light that filtered through the curtains. "What are you doing up?"
"I can’t sleep," she said peevishly. "I’ve never slept in that guest bedroom before. On that couch a couple times, but for some reason never the guest bedroom. And I can’t sleep there now."
"I’ll switch with you," he offered.
"No…" Lois said, and trailed off, unable to speak aloud what she wanted.
"Want me to sing you a lullaby?" Clark’s voice was softly amused, not mocking, and the thought of him singing Wildest Dreams made her smile and relax a little.
"No," Lois said, moving toward him again. It galled her to need anything this badly, made her flush with embarrassment to even consider asking him for what she wanted … and if he refused, she would burn with shame. "Kal-El, I… I shouldn’t even ask. But I haven’t slept since we got back from Kansas. I’m so exhausted; I just want to sleep… Can I stay here with you? Just until I fall asleep?"
He looked at her for a long moment, studying her face, his own expression unreadable. "Lois, we really shouldn’t."
That wasn’t quite no. "Just to sleep," Lois promised quickly. "The only times I’ve slept well at all in the last month were those times I fell asleep beside you back in Smallville. I have to get some rest, Kal-El. This is killing me, not sleeping. I’m cold, I’m exhausted, I need to sleep, but I can’t. I don’t even have any more sleeping pills – I have to go to the doctor to get a new prescription, and I haven’t had time for that with everything else going on." She could already imagine snuggling down beside him, his warmth soothing her, listening to his steady breathing and the slow beat of his great heart. Almost against her will, she heard herself add, "Please…"
"Come here," he said softly, patting the pillow beside him. "We’re adults, we can behave."
It sounded like justification even to Lois, but she didn’t care. At that moment she craved sleep even more than his touch, and crawled under the covers gratefully. The sofa bed was much warmer than the guestroom, thanks to Kal-El’s body heat, and Lois sighed in unexpected comfort.
She was careful, even then, not to get too close to him. The attraction between them was as powerful as ever, and considering what Richard had said to them at the airport, Kal-El wouldn’t want to be too forward here. So Lois lay down a little distance from him, near enough to feel his warmth, but not actually touching.
"Thank you … good night, Kal-El," Lois murmured.
"Good night, Lois." The darkness of the house seemed to wrap them up in a warm, comforting cocoon. It was tempting to believe that only the two of them existed, only the gently slowing beat of her heart breaking the quiet for him.
At first, she thought that his nearness might be a distraction; she could feel her pulse start to race, the sense of him beside her filling her drowsy mind with images from the distant past. But Lois quickly realized that his presence was more soothing than arousing, at least when she’d been up almost forty-eight hours. She sighed, eyes drifting closed.
He watched her, feeling his own eyelids grow heavy. What would it hurt to sleep beside her for a while? Lois was lying on her stomach, facing slightly away from him, her breathing growing deeper and more even as she eased into sleep. Amazing how easy it was for her now, when he’d listened to her lying awake and fretting earlier…
Kal-El slid down from where he’d been sitting up braced against the arm of the sofa. He lay watching her, listening to her breathe, hearing her heart slow into its sleepy rhythm. As always, the fact that she was beside him, not a dream, not a half-hopeful wish, but really there, astounded him. She was a marvel, and he felt as though he could simply lie there and watch her sleep all night… Just as soon as he rested his eyes for a while…
Deeply asleep, Lois’ nose began to grow cold, and she burrowed deeper into the pillow. That made it hard to breathe, and she shifted around until she faced the opposite direction. Ah, much warmer, and she unconsciously cuddled toward the source of the heat. Just like that one time in Germany when her mother had put the space heater next to her bed to keep her warm at night…
Lois slowly crept across the bed, blindly seeking more warmth, and after an hour of those formless sleep-stirrings she finally found it. Sighing contentedly, she curled up against the source of heat, finally warm all the way through and perfectly comfortable. Even her cold nose felt better nuzzled between the mattress and Kal-El’s shoulder… At some level, she knew who she was cuddling against, because she didn’t put her arm around him. Even fast asleep she didn’t want to be presumptuous.
Kal-El was dreaming, a sweet dream of being in bed with Lois. No worries, no distractions, no reason not to put his arm around her shoulders and sigh softly when she burrowed against his side. So peaceful, so relaxing, this dream, so real he could feel her warm breath against his chest. Smiling in his sleep, he gathered her close.
For a long time they simply lay together in the shelter of each other’s arms, the rhythms of their breath becoming synchronized. But then he nuzzled her hair, and Lois whimpered softly and snuggled closer to him. Kal-El slid his hand down her back, caressing her, and he was still more asleep than awake when he began to kiss her.
At first, the kisses were sweet and slow, gentle and loving. He stroked her back and her sides lightly, adoringly, and his lips were tender. But gradually that familiar need began to build between them, and his touch grew surer as his mouth grew bolder. As it had begun, Kal-El had been asleep enough to think it wouldn’t matter if he kissed her. They could always stop, the way they’d stopped in Kansas. But here there were no inquisitive twins calling for them, no Ma Kent watching them amusedly.
Now he was asleep enough not to care about consequences, awake enough to do more than just kiss her. Lois was soft and warm and smelled of shampoo and her lips tasted sweet. He wanted her, and even with her eyes still closed her desire answered his, her body shifting to meld against his.
Kal-El pulled her more tightly against him, still gentle, but a certain hungry insistence flared in the way he caressed her side, all the way down past her hip, and up again almost to her breast. There he hesitated, and even after she’d opened her mouth to him with a soft moan he stopped the glide of his fingers just short of where she wanted them, watching her through lidded eyes.
Lois’ eyes opened slowly then and she caught his hand, bringing it up and across, cupping his strong warm fingers around the curve of her breast. She gazed up at him with a sultry smoldering look, and neither of them could pretend anymore that this was some kind of accident, merely a dream.
No more hesitation; his thumb found her nipple and brushed it to instant hardness, Lois gasping as her eyes flew open wide. The velvet pajama top was just so slightly rough on the inside, and as he began to stroke and knead her breast she shuddered with sensation, her cheeks flushing with the thought that he had to know how this affected her.
Kal-El murmured something husky and wordless, kissing her neck and her shoulder, his face buried in her hair. Lois drew her leg up slowly, curling around the back of his knee, and arched her body against him. She whimpered to feel him rising for her, aching with need and an emptiness of heart and body only he could fill. Soon she was shaking, her body tensing with each slightest movement of his hand, her breath coming in short gasps as he rolled her nipple between his fingertips. "Please," she hissed, her hands raking through his hair.
In answer to her plea, he took his hand away, making her moan wantonly with loss. But then he’d slipped under the edge of the pajama top, and the velvet rubbed against her tantalizingly as Kal-El pulled it up, swift and hungry. Lois yelped as the cold air in the room struck her skin, and then cried out again, deeper, as his warm mouth engulfed her nipple.
Just that, his tongue circling, made her hips buck against him. And when he began to suckle her, she shivered in exquisite torment, hands clenching in his hair as she tried to stifle her wanton cries. Lois pressed her lips fiercely against his forehead, trembling as he lapped softly at her breast, trying not to scream even though she felt she might shatter from sheer overwhelming lust…
And then he rolled her back and pinned her beneath him, that movement so fluid and sure and so very much the embodiment of her most secret fantasies of him. Lois drew in a gasping breath, her hazel eyes so wide she looked shocked, and then he thrust against her once, not even totally aware that he did so or that his teeth closed so slightly on her nipple as his tongue flicked over it.
Lois did shatter then, flinging her head back as a swift sharp climax broke over her, every muscle tensed as she arched hard against him. Her cry was loud in the silent house, shockingly lustful and full of surprise at the unexpected pleasure. Had she been coherent enough to speak, the word she called out would have been Yes!
But he froze, backing away from her quickly, eyes wide with panic. It had been so very long since they’d lain together, and though Kal-El’s memories were perfect, he had never heard her sound like that. The sharpness of her cry and the sudden arc of her body seemed like pain to him, not pleasure, and the old fear swarmed up over him then.
Suddenly bereft of his warm weight upon her, craving more, wanting all of it, now, Lois gave a pained little whimper, her eyes pleading with him even as she shuddered in the aftermath of that brief, brittle pleasure. He looked utterly terrified, and at first the roaring of her pulse was too loud for her to hear what he was whispering.
"Oh God, I’m sorry, Lois, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you…" Afraid to touch her, afraid to look closely; he could’ve shattered her pelvis with that one thoughtless act, could’ve snapped her spine…
Lois was panting with the effort of catching her breath, not yet able to speak, trying to tell him with her gaze what she wanted. Oh, please, more, finish it, I can’t stand this much longer, please, her mind seethed, but as his voice penetrated the insatiable lust fogging her mind, she forced herself to calm down. Even though it left her so frustrated she wanted to scream, to knock him back and make him give her what she had craved for so long. Enough of this stopping and starting, enough hesitating on the brink of fulfillment… Lois forced all of those whirling thoughts deep down inside, and her voice was only thick with desire when she murmured, "Kal-El, that didn’t hurt me… Trust me, that wasn’t pain you heard. Don’t you remember…?"
"I remember," he whispered. "But you never … never sounded quite so… You’re sure I didn’t hurt you?"
She grinned slowly, sexily, hips rising slightly toward him. "Very … sure," Lois breathed, her gaze so smoldering it seemed as if she’d acquired his heat vision and was bathing him in flame.
Still he hesitated, throbbing with need of her, and the fear of harming her let another icy thought into his head: let me find out about all of this by catching you two in our bed. That would’ve ruined my life… Clark winced to remember Richard's voice, the joking tone overlaid on something all too true.
"Lois, we shouldn’t," Clark murmured.
"Why not?" she purred.
"Not on Richard’s couch," he whispered, flinching slightly.
"This happens to be my couch," Lois said, her tone losing its warmth. "Brought from my apartment. In fact, most of this is my furniture. What isn’t mine, we bought together."
"It’s still his house," he said, and corrected himself before Lois could leap to the defensive. "Half his. Not here, Lois, not where you lived with Richard, not with things the two of you bought together around us, not with his picture in a box in the next room. It’s not right."
Her eyes slipped closed, her lips tightening against a whimper of pain. She needed him so much, wanted him even more, felt as though she would burst out of her skin in sheer frustration … but he had a point. "All right," she whispered, her voice tiny and tightly controlled. "I … I’d better go upstairs. I’m sorry, Kal-El."
"For what?" he asked, reaching to touch her hand.
Lois pulled away; to touch him when she couldn’t have him would ruin her self-control, and she might wind up cursing his morality to his face. For a few moments, she wouldn’t have cared where they were, she just wanted to feel loved and needed and wanted again. Oh, she might’ve regretted their choice of location – she and Richard had kissed on this very couch, not three months ago, and kissed passionately before the twins saw them and started making gagging sounds – but Lois would have gone ahead with it anyway. "I’m sorry for starting this again," she said softly, getting up awkwardly with her knees still shaky. "We said we were going to behave, and I didn’t. I’m sorry."
"It’s not your fault," Kal-El said, watching her sadly. It wounded him to see her hurt and blaming herself. "I was the one who started it, Lois, and I shouldn’t have done that. It doesn’t matter that I was half-asleep and not thinking about where we were. I still shouldn’t have…"
"Hush, Kal-El," Lois said. "I’m going to go upstairs and try to pass out. I’ll see you in the morning?"
"Yes," he replied.
She was aware of his eyes on her, following her out of the room. Maybe she was just fooling herself, but it seemed that he watched her all the way upstairs and into the guest bedroom, tracking her through the walls and ceiling as she walked slowly, cupping her face in her hands. Once she was in the bedroom, however, Lois stopped caring if Kal-El was watching, and simply collapsed face-first onto the bed in utter frustration. I don’t know how much longer I can take this, she railed in the privacy of her own mind. It’s driving me absolutely freakin’ crazy!
After a few minutes, she curled up on her side, feeling cold and lonely and half-mad with disappointment. Lois stared at the radiator, thinking that it was a long time ‘til dawn and wishing she had a book. Or had installed a television in this room. Maybe there was some NyQuil in the upstairs medicine cabinet, but she really didn’t want to get up again and go looking for it. Her legs were still trembling from that blazing instant of pleasure…
Barely twenty minutes after she’d gone upstairs, Clark knocked at the door. Lois groaned; did he want to torture her with his nearness? I swear, if he’s come to ask me something inane like whether he can watch late-night movies on pay-per-view, I’ll strangle him with my bare hands. But she got up and opened the door anyway. "What is it?" she asked wearily.
"Neither one of us can sleep here," Clark told her quietly. The shadows under her eyes pained him, and he’d thought long and hard about his next words, but this seemed the best solution. "Let’s go to my place."
"We’re going all the way up north?" Lois asked plaintively. "Where there are no heaters at the moment?"
"No, we’re going downtown," Clark told her with the ghost of a chuckle. "About ten minutes’ walk from the Planet. C’mon, get dressed. We’re going to my apartment."
And you give me rest
You hold me
In your arms
You won’t let me fall
You steal my heart
And you take my breath away
Would you take me in?
Take me deeper now?
How can I stand here with you
And not be moved by you?
Would you tell me
How could it be
Any better than this…
What? Why are you still here? There are no credits, no missing scenes. What? You wanted the rest? *scoffs* God, you people are pushy! There wasn't enough room this week and you got to chapters? What? Yes, we'll follow them next week. After making you wait this long, you really think we'd chicken out on you? Yes, yousay? *snort* Well, *blows raspberry at you*, that's where you're wrong. See?
Told you so! That chapter's about half-way finished, so we'll see you next Saturday! XD